Wow. I think I was a big bag of fail for the past month. I did not blog a single bit. It's not that I didn't think about it, I did. I just had no free time to collect my thoughts. Brief synopsis of the past month?
1) I packed up my entire house.
2) I found a new rental house in a cute little town
3) I moved to the new house with the help of only 1 person for the majority of Memorial Day
4) I unpacked my house and deep cleaned my old house (a 5 hour process of cleaning)
5) I became the happiest I've been in a really long time
It's hard to explain really, but I'm going to try. I have a very dear friend at work and unfortunately we don't get to work a lot of shifts together and our schedules clash a lot so it's been hard to catch up. Last night I took an overtime shift and we walked out together after work and it was so nice out that we decided to sit in the parking lot and talk. It should be noted that we work on a campus of teenage boys, some of which are sex offenders, and we could not stop laughing at how creepy WE looked at that moment. We were sitting on the curb in the parking lot, in between her car and mine, in the dark...talking. We scared the crap out of one of our friends because we "Psssst'd" at him when he walked out. Yeah, we were CREEPIN'.
We were sitting, catching up and updating each other and I told her how happy I am lately. She said that she noticed and she was wondering what it specifically was. I told her that I'm really proud of myself. I'm not being cocky, I'm just proud of what I've accomplished in the past 6 years or so. I've done it all pretty much by myself. I've had little bits of help here and there but for the most part the financial burden, responsibility and plan has fallen on me. I'm 24 years old. I planned, budgeted and successfully paid for my entire wedding almost completely on my own, save for $300 towards my wedding dress from my family. I have survived graduating high school, getting two degrees, the death of a parent, a toxic relationship, a marriage, moving out of a house and in 3 weeks I can add grad school and a divorce to that list.
Am I necessarily proud of everything on that list? Hell no. I could just remove toxic relationship and divorce from there. Surviving the death of a parent is definitely the worst one on there though...that one nearly killed me. I'm stronger though. I've learned so much about myself as a person. I really understand myself, my strengths, my weaknesses. I feel gorgeous. I love myself in a healthy way. I am ridiculously tough. I am smart. I am resilient. I just feel like I'm really becoming and blossoming into who I am. I don't know if I'll ever get married again. I'm not saying that in a "woe is me" type of fashion, I'm just stating that I'm so happy right now that it's going to take a lot of push from God to get me in a different direction. I just think I've realized now that I don't NEED a man and that I got married to make my life easier (or so I thought) and now I've realized that I do just fine on my own. I'm not anti-marriage, anti-relationships or anti-love. I love love stories and fairytales. I just realized something very, very important about myself. For me personally it is extremely important to be able to do everything on your own. I need to be happy on my own, survive on my own, thrive on my own, that way when I find a guy I know he's adding the RIGHT things to my life.
In completely unrelated news, I want another tattoo. I haven't even finished my sleeve yet but I already have plans for the next one. It's going to be a simple quote, either on the inside of my arm, forearm, or the nape of my neck. I can't reveal it yet though :)
