I haven't blogged in over two months.
I don't really know why...I guess I just haven't had anything worth saying. When you combine that with the ridiculously busy schedule I keep, it's not hard to understand why on my days off I wouldn't feel like rehashing everything I've dealt with throughout the week. Sundays have become my sanctuary day. It's the one day in the entire week that I get to do only what I choose to do. Mondays I spend from 7:45-3:25 at my internship. Tuesdays it's work til 3 then group supervision 6-9. Wednesdays it's my internship from 7:45-12:45 and work from 1:30-10. Thursdays it's work til 3 and then class from 6-10. Friday and Saturday it's work. By the time Sunday rolls around I am exhausted.
Today I slept in until 11:30 and then just moved from my bed to the couch to start NFL Sunday. Usually on Sundays I don't move from my couch, I just watch every football game that comes on, surf the internet, text friends and relish in the fact that I don't have to shower today or even get dressed if I choose. I'm definitely hitting that senioritis slump of life.
It's the last year of my master's program. In May I graduate with a Master of Arts in Professional/School Counseling and that scares the crap out of me. I'll be done. I'll be moving into my actual career and I don't know what to do with that.
In addition to that, my life right now is completely different than what I thought it would be at this point. I'm turning 25 in 4 months and I am officially divorced, single and living alone with two cats. None of this really upsets me because I'm happy, but at the same time it is daunting. I have this amazing circle of friends that I wouldn't trade for the world, but at the same time the only reason I live in this area is because of school. I say all the time that I have "nothing" tying me to this area. The truth is, I have "nothing" tying me to anywhere. I would love to pick up and move to another state, really venture out and see the world but the idea of being alone and losing the only "family" I really have is horrifying.
I really love my job and I saw myself staying at it infinitely, until I found a job in a school or felt compelled to move on. In the past few months I've reached ultimate burnout and realized that I don't know how much longer I can work at this job and still be a real human being. The population I work with is extremely difficult, and unfortunately due to the fact that many mental health facilities are closing and the fact that Illinois has no permanent solutions for extremely mentally ill juveniles, they are ending up in residential treatment.What this means is that sicker and sicker kids are coming to my job and sometimes that means they're much more dangerous. One of my best friends got punched in the head by a client to the point of getting a concussion, bruised brain and cervical strain. When I look at the fact that the last 4 new kids we got are extremely ill, plus the fact that we'll be getting 5 more new kids in the next 5 months, I get really scared. If the next 5 are anything like the last 4, I can't do this job. There's a reason I didn't become a police officer like I once considered, I don't want to go to work with my life at risk. Not to mention, that back in May I was injured at work and since then I've still had medical issues connected to it.
I guess I say all this to say that my life is at a really up in the air moment. There is so much changing and happening and I literally have no idea what I could be doing in the next year. It's all exciting and horrifying at the same time.
