Make Me Proud

These two tweets absolutely made my day today:

abbyblujay 

@sarah_graceless so far this year you're my hero cuz you're strong enough to know when you need to walk away. looooove you : )

 

ANieceOnASea 

@sarah_graceless 2012 is going to be a year of empowerment! There's nothing better than a woman who realizes she doesn't have to give up!

 

These two ladies are amazing and have offered me more support than I could ever imagine and I am so stoked to call them my friends. "Support in what?" you may ask. Well, support in making what is arguably the hardest decision of my adult life. The decision to get a divorce. 

I generally try to refrain from making my blog an area of venting/ranting/gossiping. I don't want to disrespect my husband in any way, I just want to express how I feel at this very moment in time. For the past 2 1/2 years I have been with my husband. Just over 2 years ago, my mom died suddenly of a heart attack. These two events are completely connected and not in a good way. In a nutshell, when my mom died I stopped showering and eating, started being crazy and was ridiculously depressed. My husband (boyfriend of 3 months at the time) stuck around. I should mention during this time he was supportive, yet not the best rock in the world, he did ask me why I wasn't showering...let's call that a bad question to ask. A few months after this, he exhibited his first episode of less than stellar behavior. I don't want to go into a lot of detail but let's just say it was bad and I wanted to leave him but I was scared and I felt bad because he hadn't left me. Can I also mention that I was barely 21 years old, had just gone through the single most traumatic thing in my life and was trying to finish college? Someone else should have been making decisions for me. 

Basically, from that point on my relationship just snowballed. Now, I'm 23, married to a man I don't love for all the wrong reasons. I worked so hard on my dream wedding that I gave up my dream groom and dream marriage. I've completely botched 2011. I've essentially wasted 3 years of my life and thousands of dollars. However, I came to this realization. I can continue to be married for all the wrong reasons and be a 23 year old woman who is ridiculously miserable, unsafe and unhappy or...I can be a 23 year old divorcee who has a second chance at life. 

So...here's to 2012! Let's see what happens :)