Dream Wars

On my list of top ten subjects to read about and become a master of, is included the topic of dreaming. I want to know everything there is about dreams. I want to know how to dream better, longer, faster, clearer. I want to control them. I want to understand how my brain picks pieces of my day to store in my subconscious, sewing them together to form dreams where I went grocery shopping with an old family friend to bake Christmas cookies as I have an apron tied around my pregnant belly. What is the point of a dream like that? Is it reminding me to call an old family friend? Is it God's way of telling me one day I'll be a mom? I like dreams. They're this rare glimpse into what your brain is doing when you're not aware of what it's doing. 

My fascination with the brain started extremely young. I didn't realize it before but now I know exactly how that little fascination started. I was five years old when my dad was working to build a corporate office building and a crane struck him in the head. His hardhat saved his life, but his 300+ stitches proved that his brain had not remained unscathed. My dad suffered seizures, his personality changed, he was different than before and even a five year old can understand. As a little kid I became fascinated with how the brain worked. Our family had a 15 pound Random House Dictionary that I would drag off the bookshelf to look up a word I'd overheard or read somewhere. I wanted to understand everything. 

As I've grown older I've kept this underlying theme. I want to understand everything. I want to know why my brain chooses to remember what it does. I'm 25 years old. I cannot remember a lot of my childhood. I'm not really sure why, but my childhood is blurry and the only memories I do have involve my brother too. I don't know if I actually remember them or if I've built them there with the retellings from family members throughout the years. The only real memories I have from childhood...are the facts and information that I have memorized. That, to me, is fascinating. I can recall with almost no issue whatever, ANYTHING, that I have ever learned. Movie quotes, song lyrics, birthdays, anniversaries, dates, facts, trivia...can be recalled with almost no issue. The recall issues come with actual experiences. I don't really remember my birthday parties as a child. I remember seeing pictures and being told what we did. I do however have every lyric to every song on the Flipper soundtrack still in my head because I got that CD at my birthday party in 5th grade. That's how my brain works.

I fight with my brain. I would love for it to recall what I did last weekend as easily as it recalls the lyrics to Everybody by Backstreet Boys. I'm getting better at it. That's what my dreams are though. My dreams are experiences and I get so paranoid that they're telling me crazy important things and I wake up to only remember the subtle details. I want to remember the lyrics. I want to remember the quotes. I want to remember the dates and times. I'm working with my brain on this. My brain is not adjusting as easily as I'd like...because I'm 25 now and not 5 and my brain is older and slower and training it is different. I'm doing it though, because dang it, I'm going to remember my dreams. I want to know what my brain's doing in there. I have a lot to accomplish and I'm going to need my brain in tiptop shape.