It's a rainy day here in my hometown. I'm actually supposed to be back at my own house but plans change. The idea of plans changing used to send me in a downward spiral. Control and schedule have always been my personal demons.
As I've grown up I've learned that change is good and it keeps you moving forward. This concept is one that I still struggle with but most of the time I'm capable of adapting. This is something I have become better at in the past 10 weeks than my entire life. The past 10 weeks have been the epitome of a huge life lesson in "your plans pale in comparison to God's". At the end of my medical leave I'd like to list all the things I've learned these past almost 3 months but I feel like I'm never going to stop processing this whole experience.
I am in love with a God who loves me so much that he will break my foot in 4 places, allow me to struggle and fight just long enough to understand the power of faith, prayer and trust in Him. I have a friend going through hard times too. It seems like the bad keeps coming and there's no way to stop it. I didn't even think a moment before replying to her text that questioned God's motives for her trials. The Holy Spirit whispered the words of James in my ear and I sent them to her.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. (James 1:2, 3 NIV)
This single concept started getting taught to me back in December. I had no idea why. I started talking to every person in my life that I consider a spiritual role model. I kept telling them "God keeps showing me James". It was beginning to get ridiculous. Songs on the radio, people I would meet, my Bible would literally FALL open to James. It was EVERYWHERE.
Random fact: as a child I always liked the name James. It's my favorite name for a boy and I have no idea why. If kids were in God's plan for me, I always thought I might name my son James.
I'm literally sitting here today, looking at the rain and having this realization. Has God been preparing my heart for the book of James for over 15 years? It's certainly possible. Whatever the reason. The book of James has been a constant theme of my medical leave.
I'm not going to pretend to be so spiritually enlightened that I understand everything The Lord shows me. I am however going to say that in the past 10 weeks I have begun to pay attention more than ever. The whispering words on my heart are there for a reason. I must say, Hollywood really gets it wrong. They have painted a picture for years that convinces people that your life will be picture perfect and true love is found in your soulmate. It's off base to say the least. I don't know if I've ever felt love for a human like I feel for God right now. I've been falling in love for the past 10 weeks and let me tell you, I've never gotten this feeling from a man.
Loving God makes you want to just love people. When you realize that you have an amazing savior who would literally do anything to show you how much he loves you, you start to want to show love that much too. My friend Rebecca blogged about God's love and compared a simple answering of prayer to a kiss from heaven. Beautiful.
I'm not going to lie and say that I've been entirely pleased with God for these past 10 weeks, but as I sit here I can see where his love is working and realize I am surrounded by heavenly kisses.
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