I Gotta Go Home

Have you ever had that thought just hit you? "I gotta go home." The immediate feeling that whatever you're doing, wherever you're going, everything...has to stop for just a second so you can go home to get whatever you need. 

"It" may not even be anything. You may just need to go home. You may just need to get away from work, away from life, away from everything that demands you and go home. It's kind of a weird thing to think about and I honestly never did until tonight. I was just on the phone with my boyfriend and he was telling me about a conversation he had with this lady. He had dropped some crazy knowledge on her and she felt so overwhelmed by what she had heard that she said "I gotta go home". Him and I both laughed on the phone when he told me that. The way she said it just caught us both in a funny way. She was saying it as if to say 

"I need to lie down right now. You just dropped some insane stuff on me and my brain is heavy and my head hurts and I need to process all of this right now, probably while laying down." 

I want to meet this lady. I want to meet her for a variety of reasons, but right now I want to meet her because she has just coined my new favorite phrase. She just summed up exactly how I felt today. I love my new job. It is absolutely wonderful. It tests me. It forces me to grow. I never encounter the same day twice and I'm blessed enough to get to serve people. In the midst of all the chaos and change, I love my job...but sometimes I just gotta go home. Tonight, it was 6:15 and I just had to go home. 

I have worked 10 hour days the past three days in a row. I have dealt with some angry people, some confused people, some happy people, some children, some babies, some elderly people. I have sent emails. I have made phone calls. I have attended meetings. I have updated the appointments on my calendar approximately 47 times this week. I am mentally exhausted. 

I feel like such a wuss sometimes. I just got done working two years in residential. I moved to an "office" job. I'm tired on a Thursday because my brain hurts. I just gotta go home. 

I used to work back to back doubles essentially babysitting 12 teenage boys on 4 hours of sleep while in grad school...when did I become such an old person??? It's okay though. I'm growing up. I'm learning that balance is key. I'm learning that it's okay to work long days. It's okay to be tired. It's okay to step back and say "All the work is done. I need a break. I gotta go home." I've declared tonight self care Thursday. I need a night where I don't have to talk to any people. I need a night where I can be alone, recharge and process everything I've encountered this week. I need a night where the only thing my brain has to think about, is what it wants to think about and not what other people would like it to think about.