I'd like to introduce you to my Jesus. You may be familiar with the idea of Jesus, have a vague description of who you think Jesus is, but I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you about the Jesus I'm friends with.
Jesus, as I understand him, is quite hilarious. He is kind, gentle, loving, but most of all...he's just plain funny. I picture Jesus kind of like a hippie/rocker. The Jesus I get on board with wears Chuck Taylor's, skinny jeans and plaid shirts. I think he has a tattoo. I also think that he has a giant hipster beard and long hair. I also picture Jesus as looking mostly Middle Eastern with green eyes. I have no idea why this is my idea of Jesus, I just know that when I talk to Jesus in my head I picture him like that.
Today, I talked to Jesus on my way to church. I was telling him about where I am in my life (like he doesn't know). I was telling him how I'm really lonely and in need of a family. I told him I wanted community like I had when I was in college or when I worked in Michigan. I told him I needed to be surrounded by people who I could just turn to and be like "DUUUUUDE. Jesus did the craziest thing today. I SAW GOD. I mean...I SAW HIM. This crazy amazing thing happened and I NEED to tell you" and then those people are like "YES! YES! Let me tell YOU about this crazy God thing!" and then they tell you something even more amazing. I just want this community that constantly one-ups each other for Jesus, but not in the crazy Penelope on SNL way, in the "Holy cow, my God is huge!" way.
I've been struggling to find community. I haven't found a home church. In fact...I haven't regularly attended a church since I was a sophomore in college (4 years ago). I talk to God a lot. I listen to Christian music. I write to God. I just haven't found a community in Him. I struggle with religion a lot, not Jesus, just religion. I hate most churches. I find myself loathing "Christians". I find churches I like but they just don't fit me. They might not have enough young people, or tattooed people or they might sing songs that I don't connect with. I'm not the typical brand of Christian, so I'm looking for a very specific church. I have yet to find a church near me that just loves people...until today.
As I prayed to God this morning, I asked for a sign. I asked God to speak to me in a way that I would understand and in a way that would comfort me. I've never heard the voice of God. I only know he's speaking to me because I think things and feel things that are not of myself. If I am overwhelmed with a peace or a thought then I know it's God. A few months ago I went to a Christian concert with a friend. I was in a place in my life where I needed God to reaffirm me. I needed him to tell me "Sarah, you're doing the right thing. You're who I made you to be and you're okay". At the concert, the band Hawk Nelson was there. I LOVED Hawk Nelson in high school and so I paid attention when they got on stage. They sang a song called "Crazy Love" that totally got my attention because 4 years ago when I was most in tune with God's Will and who God wanted me to be, I read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan and it shook me to my core. When they sang that song I knew it was God talking to me. I stood in the arena and I prayed "God, show me I'm doing the right thing". Then...they started playing Don't Stop Believin' as in...Journey anthem...Don't Stop Believin'. It was at that moment that I had a thought that was like "Sarah, don't stop believin' in yourself, in God, in the power of his almighty hand. You're okay. You can do this". Yes...my Jesus, spoke to me through classic rock.
Let me bring you back to today. I'm driving. I'm going to church. I'm meeting my dear friend Abby. Let me tell you about Abby and I. At some point in college Abby and I became tied together by an amazing bond of friendship. At some point, we also became obsessed with the Peter Cetera song "You're the Inspiration". I don't actually remember how, or when, or why, but it was pinnacle. That song represents our friendship and just an all out zest for life and belting out classic rock to an epic proportion. Today, we're in church. The sermon is awesome. The first worship song was "Marvelous Light" which I used to sing all the time in Michigan. This was the first "Hey Sarah, God here, are you paying attention? Because I sent this song to your heart today to remind you of the community you once had and you're now looking for". The song ends, the sermon ends, more worship begins and at some point this amazing drum break happens that just captures me. The guitarist starts playing some familiar chords and I side eye Abby. Um...no...not possible. As the worship leader sings the opening line I am suddenly aware that we are singing "You're the Inspiration" in church. Helllllooooooo Jesus in the house!
I'm NOT EVEN KIDDING when I say I start dying laughing. Why? Because Jesus made me laugh. He was like "hmm what song will really get her attention and be a really hilarious, awesome sign that she's right where I want her...let's go with Peter Cetera, the answer is always PETER CETERA". Of all the songs! Of all the millions of songs in the world we sing the ONE SONG that characterizes Abby and my friendship and guarantees to make me laugh no matter what. As I am belting out that Jesus is my inspiration I am wholly and completely consumed by the most peaceful feeling that I have felt in months. Jesus might as well have been standing in front of me, holding my hands and saying "SARAH GRACE!!!! THIS IS FOR YOU!".
So...needless to say, I'll be going back to that church next Sunday, because Jesus and Peter Cetera told me to.
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