Let Me Tell You...

I'd like to tell you all about the amazing God I serve but that would take far too long. I'd love to tell you every reason I love and worship Him but for now I'll just tell you why that love has grown, just in the past 24 hours.

Yesterday I posted my little pity party post. I got on Facebook and made a public cry out to Jesus. I was feeling so low and just run down altogether. I asked for prayer and I sat in my brother's living room and just cried. I prayed that God would help me, would soothe my weary soul, would remind me again of His great love and pull me out of my pit.

A few friends posted on my status and an old friend I worked with 4 years ago in Michigan posted a simple comment "2 Corinthians 12:9-10". I immediately looked up the verse to read:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I read those words and just broke down. My heart sang and I just felt the love and power of God surround me.

Not even 10 minutes later my "stepmom" texted me. She had gotten her car running and wondered if I wanted to come over and eat dinner and watch a movie. I cried again at her text, it was yet another sign from God that I'm not alone and His love for me is unending.

I stayed the night at my dad's and got picked up in the morning for church. I could not sleep to save my life. I was laying on the couch and I was full of anticipation. It wasn't a negative feeling, I was just so anxious for church, I could feel that God was moving and I KNEW that He was going to show up in a huge way.

Today was my church's anniversary, 1 year since we planted our baby church, a fact I did not know walking (read: crutching) into the sanctuary. The sermon was on point as always and Pastor Brian spoke on the line from the Apostle's Creed "and in Jesus Christ, His only son, our Lord". The sermon consisted of surrendering to God, making him Lord of our life. Pastor Brian, in divine power, literally said the words "It doesn't matter if you stub your toe or don't have the money for rent. God is here and He loves you."

I almost started crying right then at how simple a statement it was but how perfectly relevant it was for me. Moments later we were praying and I felt like opening my eyes and I looked at my wrist and caught sight of one of my bracelets.

I wear 3 bracelets everyday, I sleep in them, shower in them and the only time they've been off was on surgery day. One of them is a black rubber bracelet that reads "I Am Convinced" on one side an "Romans 8:38-39" on the other. As I looked at my wrist, the bracelet had spun around so that the verse was staring right at me. What happened next was pure Holy Spirit because on its own the human brain doesn't operate that fast. In a flash I saw and heard the entire verse followed by "this is the truth, this is what I am telling you, nothing can separate you". As the prayer finished I sat in my chair ruminating on the words as the band began to play a song titled "I Belong". The first verse of it? Romans 8:38-39 practically word for word. The only reason I wasn't a sobbing mess at this point (which I am now as a write this) is because I could feel the Holy Spirit's arms around me, just holding me in those words.

Let me tell you. God is real. I pray everyday that people see this and feel His great love. I post scripture and encouraging words on Facebook almost daily. I'm sure there are hundreds of people who block me, delete me or hide me from their news feed because they don't want to hear it. Here's my thought, I put things on Facebook because God tells me to. The world is so negative and people want to run society on fear and pain. So many people fall into the pit and post negative things. I try with everything in me not to post negative things, but I also don't want to misrepresent myself because I am imperfect and I do stumble and fall and cry out to Jesus. I don't care if 100 people hide my words (His words) from their view because someday they might not. One of my posts may reach someone, at the very least they'll know me as a person who loves them with Christ's heart and maybe that will strike something one day.

God is good. He is perfect. His love is like nothing you have ever known, it's so big and deep that we can't even feel its full power on earth or we would feel overwhelmed by it. I encourage you to seek God and if you need assistance or even if you just want me to pray for you, I am willing. He is love.

Cabin Fever

I have written this post twice and then deleted it. I won't lie. I am at my breaking point right now. I know I can get through it because, frankly I've gotten through much worse. However, right now I feel like I can't do anything.

In the past 6 weeks my best friend's car broke down to the point of no repair, I had to get all new brakes on my car, I broke my foot, had surgery, got a flat tire on the way home from the hospital, couldn't get the tire off, had to have it towed and the tire and rim replaced and then this week my alternator goes out.

Financially...I'm screwed. I'm on medical leave not making nearly what I need to, still 2-4 weeks out of going back to work and my entire tax return is going to fixing car and paying bills.

I posted on Facebook this week that I feel like Job in the Bible. I'm exhausted. I can't even lie. My faith is being tested everyday and I'm too smart to fall into my own pity party. For a few minutes at a time I'll start to cry and then get mad at myself.

Who am I to complain about my situation when so many people have it worse? I know scripture well enough for all the reassuring verses to pop into my head and make me feel stupid for feeling this way. I've always been a big prayer advocate but lately every other thought I have is a prayer because I am losing strength.

As introverted as I can be I still need people and for the past 4 weeks I have missed people! I miss going into my local gas station and chatting up the girls working. I miss going to work and seeing my coworkers. I miss being able to drive.

I hate that I've become such a baby over all this. I hate it so much. I hate asking for help and I hate not having freedom. I've fallen almost completely into my own pity party and I'm once again mad at myself for letting it happen.

My friend Latia sent me a great excerpt from a devotional yesterday and it was really what I needed to hear. I ended up downloading the free version of the devotional app and today's message was once again what I needed.

I know God is here and I know He is working through this and something beautiful will come out of it. I have to keep reminding myself that it's only temporary and that I can do it with His strength. That is the ONLY way I can do this. Trust me, on my own I am not capable of handling all this. My Dad always said that "the closer you get to God, the harder the Devil comes at you".

I definitely feel like Job and it kind of makes me want to just scream at the Devil that he's wasting his time because I will never lose faith in The Lord. Even on days when I'm PMSing and my brother goes out with friends and I'm home alone with no cable, Internet or food and all I want to do is cry, I will not give up.

P.s. if it wasn't for having an iPhone with 4G, I would have gone crazy already

Sweet Disposition

As of tomorrow, it will be three weeks since I broke my foot. As of Saturday, it will be three weeks since I've been to work. For the past 7 years of my life I have worked full time and gone to school full time. I have taken short vacations here and there, 5 days, 10 days, but there's always been something to do. Now? I'm going on day 18 of doing nothing. I have not left the house except to go to the doctor/hospital. I have been around the same 4 people for almost 3 weeks now. 

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am incredibly active and fiercely independent. I don't ask for help and I don't tell people when I'm struggling. In the past I have been a very guarded person, never letting people in. I spend a lot of time working, going to school, and being alone. I did things when I wanted, how I wanted, and I didn't have people that I could "rely" on. I was forced to grow up and take care of myself and I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. 

Approximately 5 years ago, God started shifting that in me. God started showing me that I needed to let down my guard here and there, that I needed to let people in. I started letting people in and forming relationships...and then my mom died.

 After my mom died I deleted every "fringe" person off my Facebook. I got tired of people I barely talked to sending me their condolences. I was frustrated by everyone. I realize now that I was so angry and all I wanted to do was be alone and miserable and these people kept reminding me that I wasn't alone. The push-pull of forming relationships with people began again and once again I tried to isolate myself. 

I can tell you a lot about myself and in all honesty, I've learned most of it in the past 6 months. I am a weird blend of introvert and extrovert. I love being around people but I hate negative energy so I have to pull away, be alone and recharge frequently. I like noise but I like control and simplicity as well. I can have a blast at a concert but I'd rather sit in the quiet of my own home with music quietly playing. I love dressing up, doing my makeup to the fullest extent, making my hair pretty. I'm a total girly girl. I am also one of the toughest people you will ever meet. 

I am turning 25 in 4 days. I'm oddly excited by this. I feel like I'm really who I'm supposed to be. I know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I know who I am. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know what's important and what's not. 

I'm glad that I have relationships now. I'm glad that I stopped pushing people away. I have the best friends a girl could ask for. I have an amazing family. I'm proud of who I am and what I have. 

I'm also proud that even though 5 years ago you couldn't have paid me to, today I willingly hug people and accept hugs. Trust me, that's way bigger than it sounds. 

Mind Over Matter

It's been two days since I had surgery. I won't lie, time has been warped by all my pain meds and napping. As tough as I am. This thing hurts!

I have 7 tattoos, including a half sleeve, and 10 piercings. At first glance I may appear as though pain is nothing to me. That statement is mostly true but this pain is different. I've found my only key to surviving it is the concept of "mind over matter."

I have spent a fair amount of time watching comedies on Netflix, listening up happy music and pinning pretty things on Pinterest. It has done the trick though.

I focus on happiness and what beautiful things are to come and it dulls the pain. I refuse to dwell on the negative feelings and I just submerge myself in positivity.

Positive things? The amazing gourmet feasts that have been prepared for me. Painting my nails :-)
I'm feeling back to myself, yet also a slight improvement. There is nothing that can separate me.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38, 39 NIV)

What Happiness Really Means

This whole broken foot thing has turned out to be the BEST thing to happen to me in a while. You might ask "Really, Sarah? Breaking your foot in 4 places, having to be on crutches, not being able to drive, having to fully rely on your friends? That's all good for you?" and I would reply "YEP!" and here's why: 

I am a fiercely independent woman (all Destiny's Child references aside). I HATE asking for help. I pride myself on being able to accomplish all I have to on my own. You know what, though? That's WRONG. I don't do anything on my own. I do it all with the redeeming, everlasting, unconditional love and strength from my amazing Heavenly Father. 

I've been "broken" for almost two weeks now. As a result I've been crashing at my BFF Beverly's house. It's funny really that her car died and a week later I was rendered unable to drive. She has no car, I can't drive the one I have, so therefore we complete each other. Beverly lives with her boyfriend (the previously mentioned rapper J Jackel) and his cousin JJ Jallah Keyz. For the past almost two weeks I have been living in the most creative house ever. As I write this, JJ is in the living room creating music. It is seriously some of the most beautiful music ever. He is wickedly talented. If you don't believe me just YouTube some JJ Jallah Keyz and watch that man play the piano. You can tell that his gift comes straight from above. 

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a ball of energy. I can barely sit still through an entire movie. I'm constantly moving. Putting a woman like me on crutches and telling me to rest and let people help me...seriously the biggest challenge I've faced in a while. It's given me this amazing gift of time. I've been reading the Bible like it's my lifeline (which it totally is). God has been revealing the most beautiful things to me. I just want to share three things with you all today: 

1) You do not need to fear anything. You have angels around you EVERYDAY  and all you have to do is call on them and they will show you beautiful things. 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1, 2 NIV)

2) Your love for God should be so crazy and insane that everyone around you wonders what the heck is wrong with you? What is creating that fire inside that person? Why do they keep talking about God? Why do they keep loving people even when the world is so negative? You know how you can tell a person is in love by how they look at someone. Well, people should look at you and know everyday that you are completely, totally in love with The One.

3) This is an invitation to let archangels protect you in your life. This is a gift from God and we are blessed enough to have the God of angel armies reigning in our lives. 

https://soundcloud.com/j-j-jallah-keyz/archangelic-protection-for-the