Sweet Disposition

As of tomorrow, it will be three weeks since I broke my foot. As of Saturday, it will be three weeks since I've been to work. For the past 7 years of my life I have worked full time and gone to school full time. I have taken short vacations here and there, 5 days, 10 days, but there's always been something to do. Now? I'm going on day 18 of doing nothing. I have not left the house except to go to the doctor/hospital. I have been around the same 4 people for almost 3 weeks now. 

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am incredibly active and fiercely independent. I don't ask for help and I don't tell people when I'm struggling. In the past I have been a very guarded person, never letting people in. I spend a lot of time working, going to school, and being alone. I did things when I wanted, how I wanted, and I didn't have people that I could "rely" on. I was forced to grow up and take care of myself and I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. 

Approximately 5 years ago, God started shifting that in me. God started showing me that I needed to let down my guard here and there, that I needed to let people in. I started letting people in and forming relationships...and then my mom died.

 After my mom died I deleted every "fringe" person off my Facebook. I got tired of people I barely talked to sending me their condolences. I was frustrated by everyone. I realize now that I was so angry and all I wanted to do was be alone and miserable and these people kept reminding me that I wasn't alone. The push-pull of forming relationships with people began again and once again I tried to isolate myself. 

I can tell you a lot about myself and in all honesty, I've learned most of it in the past 6 months. I am a weird blend of introvert and extrovert. I love being around people but I hate negative energy so I have to pull away, be alone and recharge frequently. I like noise but I like control and simplicity as well. I can have a blast at a concert but I'd rather sit in the quiet of my own home with music quietly playing. I love dressing up, doing my makeup to the fullest extent, making my hair pretty. I'm a total girly girl. I am also one of the toughest people you will ever meet. 

I am turning 25 in 4 days. I'm oddly excited by this. I feel like I'm really who I'm supposed to be. I know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I know who I am. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know what's important and what's not. 

I'm glad that I have relationships now. I'm glad that I stopped pushing people away. I have the best friends a girl could ask for. I have an amazing family. I'm proud of who I am and what I have. 

I'm also proud that even though 5 years ago you couldn't have paid me to, today I willingly hug people and accept hugs. Trust me, that's way bigger than it sounds.